When you ASK-many people will say "Yes"- and they will
readily give you the information you want, or give you what you want, or do what
you want. People will do what you reasonably ASK, because they have been "conditioned"
by training since childhood to do what they are ASKED to do. Re-read the
chapter: Why People Will Do What You Want (Chapter 14).
But, some people will reply “Maybe"-which simply means that
they need a little more assurance before they will say “Yes." This enables
you to use one of the many techniques of Personal Influence Psychology which enables
you to influence others.to do whatever you want.
Usually the only real reason people do not instantly do what you
ASK is that they are not sure that doing what you ASK is best for them!
All you need do is assure them and re-assure them until they are sure.
The very instant that they are sure that doing what you ASK will in no way
detract from themselves, but actually will be best for them, they immediately
will do what you ASK without a moment's further resistance. So you easily
convert "Maybe" responses to “Yes" responses.
A "Maybe" response is an invitation and a challenge to
provide assurance.
Now let us apply Personal Influence Psychology to the people who
will say "NO"-and there may be quite a few of them. If you don't
enjoy the friendly confrontation of people telling you "NO"-if you don't
get a lift out of the challenge of a "NO" response-then you just are not
mentally and emotionally mature enough to successfully ASK others to do what
you want or to engage in the business of dealing with people at any level which
re- quires personal influence.
But before you panic at a series of "NO" responses, and
give up the Personal Influence Psychology of ASKING for whatever you want, let's
see what a "No" response really means.
When a person replies "No" to what you have ASKED, it could
mean one, or a combination of several things:
- Most "No" people are just like "Maybe" people, only they are less timid and more direct. Like the "Maybe" people, the "No" people are Simply telling you that they are not sure that what you ASK will benefit them more than it will cost them. They are telling you that it's up to you to assure and re-assure them, furnish them more proof, more testimonials, positive guarantees, whatever is necessary-to make them sure. Just as soon as you can make them sure that what you ASK will benefit them more than it will cost them-they will be eager to do what you ASK. Don't think, for a moment, that they will be too proud to change their minds. Once they are sure that they cannot lose but, in fact, will benefit by doing what you ASK, they'll say "Yes" without the faintest blush! Of course, you can help by assuming that they didn't really say "No," but that they simply were using good, practical judgment by insisting on positive assurances. This enables them to "save face" which always is desirable in dealing with sensitive people.
- Some people say "No" just to stall for time to think it over. They've been rushed into decisions before -which they later regretted and they don't want to develop the habit-so they instinctively say "No." It's a self- defense mechanism. They are slow thinkers and slow deciders-and they don't want to be rushed or high-pres- sured, so they say "No" just to stall for time. Don't show any sign of rushing them or high-pressuring them. In fact, 88 assure them that you want to help them reach the best decision for them. This gives you the opportunity to use the "WHY?" technique described later in this chapter. This will enable you easily to turn many of these types of "No" responses to 'T es" responses.
- Of course, some people say "No" for good and valid reasons. When you positively have determined (by using the following Personal Influence Psychology techniques) that these "No" reasons are genuine and unchangeable, then just ring up "No Sale" on your ASKING- cash-register, courteously leave, and hurry to see the next person whom you will ASK to give you what you want or to do what you want-enthusiastically believing that, by the Law of Averages, he or she will say "Yes." Just keep on ASKING, and the Law of Averages will GUARANTEE you enough "Yes" responses to get you what you want.
You will greatly increase your average of "Yes" responses
by using the following techniques of Personal Influence Psychology.
When a person says "No" to what you ASK, you should be
surprised and show it. Note that I didn't say act surprised. Most people are
not good enough actors. If your reaction to a "No" response is not
genuine, the other person will sense it and deeply resent your trying to put over
an "act."
The way to look surprised, is to really be sur- prised. You don't
have to fake anything. You must intensely believe that the person will do what you
ASK. You must ASK expectantly. (That's part of the Personal Influence Psychology
technique of ASKING.) Then if you get a "No" response, you will be genuinely
surprised. Let your surprise show on your face, in your manner and in your
voice.
But don't act-just let your genuine surprise show. Your genuine
surprise will cause the other person instinctively to wonder if perhaps he or
she was wrong in saying "No."
Then use the "Why?" technique which is one . of the most powerful
and effective methods of Personal Influence Psychology. Here's how to use the "Why"?
technique:
While showing surprise that the other person said "No," ASK
in a surprised tone of voice "Why?" Then look expectant and wait. The
other person just simply has to tell you why! There is nothing else he can do
without being unreasonably rude.
He will tell you "Why" in one of three ways:
- He will frankly and honestly tell you why he thinks he cannot do what you ASK. Or . . .
- He will give you a “rationalized" reason- which he may even believe himself-but which isn't the real motivation for telling you "No." Or ...
- He will just plain lie about it, saying what- ever he thinks would appear to be his strongest justification for refusing to do what you ASK. For example, he might say, "I don't have the money right now"-when he does, in fact, have much more than enough money. (He's really afraid that you will use the money unwisely, lose it, and be unable to repay him-thus causing not only the loss of his money, but putting a severe strain on your friendly relationship) .
When you use the "Why?" technique, you will uncover the real
reason: whether it is the truth, or is a 85 rationalized excuse, or is an untruth
(which may be felt to be justified). It is useless to proceed until you learn
the real reason for a "No" response.
Your effective use of the "Why" technique of Personal Influence
Psychology is so important to you that we shall first review it-and then analyze
it in more detail.
When a person says "No" to what you ASK- you simply ASK
again, only this time you ASK "Why?" The other person will almost be compelled
to give you his reason for saying "No." He may have several reasons, but
he will lead with his strongest reason, which may be what he honestly thinks,
or what he rationalizes, or what is an untruthful excuse.
Thus-by ASKING "Why?"-you will cause the other person to
reveal to you (out of perhaps dozens of possible reasons) the real reason to be
overcome, modified, negotiated, turned into an advantage, or otherwise effectively
handled before you can get a "Yes" response. People fail to get
whatever they want because they waste too much time-and create irritation-by
ASK- ING (even arguing!) about things which are not VITAL in influencing others
to respond favorably.
The only thing which is vital to getting what you want is why the
other person is reluctant to give it to you. So when the response is "No"-you
pleasantly ASK "Why?"-and learn the real reason.
Thus by ASKING "Why?"-you narrow the field of objections
from dozens of possible objections to the real reason . .. and that is the
vital objection to be over- come.
When you feel that you have overcome that objection, you again ASK
for what you want. If the other person says “No" again-you are more
surprised, and ASK “Wh ?" A' y. ... gam.
Since many people may not have had a very logical reason for saying
“No" the first time, they will have an increasingly difficult time explaining
their subsequent “No's" when each of their “No's" instantly is followed
by your sincerely interested (not argumentative) question “Why?"
Do not be argumentative when ASKING “Why?" to a “No" response.
Do not argue in your reply. Do not argue at all! Ever! You are not engaging in a
de- bate; you are using Personal Influence Psychology!
Just be sincerely interested in learning and understanding the other
person's point of view, and the REAL REASON for his or her refusing to do what you
courteously, reasonably, confidently, expectantly and per- sistently ASK.
Then, using the real reason, as revealed in answers to your
question “Why?"-you can ASK for what you want in specific terms of benefiting
the person more than he or she possibly could lose!
You happily will discover that this technique of Personal Influence
Psychology will get you whatever you want from almost all people who can be shown
that they will benefit in complying with your reasonable re- quest.
ObViously, if what you ASK is not reasonable -you should never ask it!
Of course, there will be instances when your ASKING (including your
ASKING “Why?") will reveal that the person you ASK actually can not or reasonably
should not do what you ASK.
Usually, you cannot be sure unless you ASK. But, as soon as a
person sincerely convinces you that he or she actually can not or reasonably
should not do what you ASK-then you should give genuine assurances that you understand
and completely agree. Do not pout. Do not be sullen. Above all, do not be
irritated or angry. Change the subject and do not return to it!
No matter how reasonable you think your re- quest is, do not
unrealistically expect that everybody can . . . or should . ... or will.. . . do
whatever you ASK. Pleasantly handling a "No" response is a natural, routine
part of the success method of ASKING. Agreeably accept the fact that you will
lose some-confidently depending on the Law of Averages to produce enough "Yes"
responses to assure that you will GET WHATEVER YOU WANT.
The Law of Averages will GUARANTEE that YOU WILL GET WHATEVER YOU REASONABLY
WANT if you constantly use the Personal Influence Psy- chology of ASKING and
the other success methods taught by this blogl
We shall devote an entire chapter to: How To Use The
Law of Averages To GUARANTEE Your Success.
But to enable you to use the Law of Averages most effectively, you
first willieam: How To Discover And Remove The HIDDEN REASON For Refusal-which is
the next chapter . . .
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